Real Stories
My decision to leave took 40 years; I didn’t have the guts or strength to go before. ‘I finally found the hole that would be big enough to hide in’ without fear.
I had recently come out of hospital having had major surgery, I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to recover from another beating. My body had had enough. I ran to my sisters wearing my slippers, she let me stay the night and cared for me. I was in fear of him finding me and I didn’t get any sleep. I was worried because I kept thinking if he found me he would also harm my family. He is a very violent man and everyone feared him. I felt so small, my body was hurting and I realised I could never go back if I wanted to live.
The next morning I looked in the Yellow Pages and rang the women’s domestic violence helpline, they were very helpful and arranged for me to go into a women’s refuge which I did not know existed until that day. My sister gave me some money, food and clothes to help me start the journey to the unknown. I was terrified.
My first base was very local to where I was fleeing so not very safe. I was given lots of love and care. At this time I felt as though I was outside of my body looking in. I did not sleep or eat, but my injuries started to heal, my small room was a haven in which I stayed for 2 weeks, then I has to move out of the area to keep me safe. It was a long lonely journey, I was in a haze on my way to my temporary new home in which I stayed for a number of months. During this time I had to adjust and I had started the healing process, but it was hard especially in a strange town. Women’s Aid are in most towns, and the care and help they gave me was priceless any time. Night or day, someone was there for me.
At the beginning it was very hard to believe that I would one day be a whole person again, walking the streets, going shopping without fear. To be able to sleep at night is a wonderful thing, sleep without fear and nightmares. Women’s Aid arranged for me to see a counsellor, find a new home, help in furnishing it, they helped me with financial issues and I joined a women’s centre. I have enrolled on courses and have met lots of people. I feel a lot more at peace and am now divorced. I have never seen my ex since I fled and I don’t have to! I knew he would say sorry after the abuse but I realised he never meant it. I had heard is apologies time and time again over 40 years and didn’t want to hear it again. He is a bully who was always trying to control me.
It’s over 4 years since I left. I am still the loving mother and woman I have always been, but I am different in so many ways. I am a strong woman. I married him because I loved him and I thought he loved me, but when another human being is so abusive and controlling the love fades, something changes inside and I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated like this. I stayed 40 years through fear; I wasn’t aware that so many organisations were there to help. Now I have knowledge, safety and independence. I now have a beautiful, happy home. I have friends of my own choosing. I’m in a new town and have a wonderful outreach worker who has supported me all the way. She has never doubted me. Having my glass half full is fantastic feeling, I can come and go as I please, do and say what I want. I still have my ‘off’ days, but my future is good, very good, I am not a victim!!
I would (and do) encourage womens to leave and seek help. Women’s Aid are a phone call away, do it, I did and look at me now.
C - 61 years young.
When your abuser is your mum….
Stockport Women’s Aid (SWA) has helped me put my life back on track. I now have a place of my own. The staff at SWA have helped me emotionally and mentally and helped me get what I have today. Without SWA I would have nothing.
At 17 years old I had to move to the UK for safety reasons as I was raped, but most importantly I needed that much needed emotional support from my mother. So I moved, leaving my family and friends so I could emotionally and mentally get my life back on track. Instead of receiving emotional support from my mother she was very abusive towards me, just after a week of me moving in with her. She made me feel useless and unloved and said it was all my fault that I was raped and that I should forget it ever happened. It all started off with mental and emotional abuse, it was so bad that I started feeling suicidal. Each day that went by was getting worse. She then turned very aggressive and lost her temper for no reason. She would start shouting at me and pushing me around. I feared for my life.
I thought she would finally be my mum after what had happened to me, I was wrong once again. I would hate coming home from college and couldn’t wait for the morning to come to get to college. I would get the latest bus at night to get home, so the time I had with her in the evenings wouldn’t be as long. Every night I knew what I would be walking into…a violent mother who would do anything to make my life hard. She would make me clan the house and do the laundry each night before I could concentrate on my studies and have my tea. If it wasn’t perfect she would lash out at me, call me useless and a waste of space, then attack me. Some of the times with the blades, trying to get to my arms.
I didn’t tell anyone, I was ashamed and scared. I’d come to a point where enough was enough and lived with my friend until I got in a hostel. I explained my situation to them and they said to me they felt I should be in a refuge where my safety would be the first priority. I phoned the Domestic Violence Helpline and learnt that domestic violence doesn’t only apply to men and couple and that women are also capable of violence and abuse and as sad as it is to say, it’s also possible to come from your own mother.
Thank you SWA. You’ve changed my life for the best. You all will always have a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten.
God bless. XXX
I had recently come out of hospital having had major surgery, I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to recover from another beating. My body had had enough. I ran to my sisters wearing my slippers, she let me stay the night and cared for me. I was in fear of him finding me and I didn’t get any sleep. I was worried because I kept thinking if he found me he would also harm my family. He is a very violent man and everyone feared him. I felt so small, my body was hurting and I realised I could never go back if I wanted to live.
The next morning I looked in the Yellow Pages and rang the women’s domestic violence helpline, they were very helpful and arranged for me to go into a women’s refuge which I did not know existed until that day. My sister gave me some money, food and clothes to help me start the journey to the unknown. I was terrified.
My first base was very local to where I was fleeing so not very safe. I was given lots of love and care. At this time I felt as though I was outside of my body looking in. I did not sleep or eat, but my injuries started to heal, my small room was a haven in which I stayed for 2 weeks, then I has to move out of the area to keep me safe. It was a long lonely journey, I was in a haze on my way to my temporary new home in which I stayed for a number of months. During this time I had to adjust and I had started the healing process, but it was hard especially in a strange town. Women’s Aid are in most towns, and the care and help they gave me was priceless any time. Night or day, someone was there for me.
At the beginning it was very hard to believe that I would one day be a whole person again, walking the streets, going shopping without fear. To be able to sleep at night is a wonderful thing, sleep without fear and nightmares. Women’s Aid arranged for me to see a counsellor, find a new home, help in furnishing it, they helped me with financial issues and I joined a women’s centre. I have enrolled on courses and have met lots of people. I feel a lot more at peace and am now divorced. I have never seen my ex since I fled and I don’t have to! I knew he would say sorry after the abuse but I realised he never meant it. I had heard is apologies time and time again over 40 years and didn’t want to hear it again. He is a bully who was always trying to control me.
It’s over 4 years since I left. I am still the loving mother and woman I have always been, but I am different in so many ways. I am a strong woman. I married him because I loved him and I thought he loved me, but when another human being is so abusive and controlling the love fades, something changes inside and I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated like this. I stayed 40 years through fear; I wasn’t aware that so many organisations were there to help. Now I have knowledge, safety and independence. I now have a beautiful, happy home. I have friends of my own choosing. I’m in a new town and have a wonderful outreach worker who has supported me all the way. She has never doubted me. Having my glass half full is fantastic feeling, I can come and go as I please, do and say what I want. I still have my ‘off’ days, but my future is good, very good, I am not a victim!!
I would (and do) encourage womens to leave and seek help. Women’s Aid are a phone call away, do it, I did and look at me now.
C - 61 years young.
When your abuser is your mum….
Stockport Women’s Aid (SWA) has helped me put my life back on track. I now have a place of my own. The staff at SWA have helped me emotionally and mentally and helped me get what I have today. Without SWA I would have nothing.
At 17 years old I had to move to the UK for safety reasons as I was raped, but most importantly I needed that much needed emotional support from my mother. So I moved, leaving my family and friends so I could emotionally and mentally get my life back on track. Instead of receiving emotional support from my mother she was very abusive towards me, just after a week of me moving in with her. She made me feel useless and unloved and said it was all my fault that I was raped and that I should forget it ever happened. It all started off with mental and emotional abuse, it was so bad that I started feeling suicidal. Each day that went by was getting worse. She then turned very aggressive and lost her temper for no reason. She would start shouting at me and pushing me around. I feared for my life.
I thought she would finally be my mum after what had happened to me, I was wrong once again. I would hate coming home from college and couldn’t wait for the morning to come to get to college. I would get the latest bus at night to get home, so the time I had with her in the evenings wouldn’t be as long. Every night I knew what I would be walking into…a violent mother who would do anything to make my life hard. She would make me clan the house and do the laundry each night before I could concentrate on my studies and have my tea. If it wasn’t perfect she would lash out at me, call me useless and a waste of space, then attack me. Some of the times with the blades, trying to get to my arms.
I didn’t tell anyone, I was ashamed and scared. I’d come to a point where enough was enough and lived with my friend until I got in a hostel. I explained my situation to them and they said to me they felt I should be in a refuge where my safety would be the first priority. I phoned the Domestic Violence Helpline and learnt that domestic violence doesn’t only apply to men and couple and that women are also capable of violence and abuse and as sad as it is to say, it’s also possible to come from your own mother.
Thank you SWA. You’ve changed my life for the best. You all will always have a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten.
God bless. XXX